What If Your Repeating Patterns Aren’t Problems to Fix?

Celebrate CultivateThe Winter Collection

Aug 7

In personal growth, parenting, health, and career, we treat life repeating itself like a flaw to fix, even though cycles are everywhere in nature. We're talking issues that resurface, always being the first to raise your hand, and yelling at your kids because you’re human, not a robot (or a monster).

Listen to Episode 198 / Apple / Spotify / Below

August is here. Back-to-school energy is everywhere. And even though there are still several weeks of summer left, there’s this a pull toward fall. Just this morning, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop while it poured outside. My americano was steaming, and if I ignored the blasting AC, it almost felt like fall.

When Life Repeats Itself

We all know those times when you notice a repeating pattern or cycle in your life. Maybe it's in your relationships, your role as a parent, or maybe even in your career. It often feels like a sign that you're doing something wrong. You say to yourself, “I thought I solved this! Why is this an issue again?”

Here’s what I want you to consider: cycles are natural. We see them in the seasons, lunar phases, the hours of the day, and the rhythm of the week. The patterns aren’t a problem. They’re just patterns.

A New Take on Old Patterns

I used to think that when I noticed a pattern or saw my life repeating itself, something wrong with me. That I didn't journal enough, I didn't heal enough, or just didn't have enough self-control.

Here are some of the old scripts I carried:

Starting at new schools as a kid: “I won’t talk so much. I won’t raise my hand first.”
Setting goals in swimming: “I won’t reach so high. I won’t set such unrealistic goals.”
Friendships: “I won’t share so much. I won’t be dramatic about my family stuff.”
Romantic relationships: “I won’t be too much.”
My body post-babies and back injury: “I’m so out of shape. It’s too late.”

And even though I still brush up against these now on occasion, they don’t hurt like they used to.

Your Growth Isn’t Linear

If you’re wondering, “If I keep noticing the same issue over and over again, doesn’t that mean I’m not growing?” Nope! Not necessarily.

Noticing a pattern doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re a living, breathing human. When you notice a pattern, you can make changes and you will grow, but you’ll always be you. It isn't about changing who you are completely, but instead soothing the parts of you that don’t feel safe or okay.

Sometimes those sticky places trace back to past lives. (Yes, we go there in my sessions.) These cycles that drag us down are often the very ones that offer us the most lightness and freedom when we release them.

Should You Accept Your Fate or Try to Change?

Here’s an inner voice journaling prompt, or question we can bring up in An Hour of Answers:

How do I know when to accept a pattern or work to change it?

If you're feeling impatient with the slow growth of things, or the fact that some cycles repeat over and over again and you just wanna skip ahead to being fixed, try this reframe:

What would actually happen if you could skip ahead to the “good” part?

There will always be another mountain to climb, another lesson to learn, and another ride to hop on. Always.

So, the point is less about fixing and more about alleviating what's going on and finding a way to move forward with clarity and ease.

Ritual Stack: 3 Ways to Play with Your Patterns

Proof of Progress. What’s something that used to be an ongoing issue that isn’t a problem anymore?
Playful Action. What’s something that feels like a pattern that you could play with instead of try to fix?
A Pattern You Love. What’s something that is a pattern in nature, life, or in yourself that’s actually really wonderful?

Wait, What Is a Ritual Stack?

It’s the name of my new Substack! Come follow me over there: kaileenelise.substack.com.

On the podcast, Ritual Stacks are recommendations, practices, and nudges to layer into your everyday life. You don’t need to do them all. Just pick one. See where it leads.

See the Patterns in Your Life in New Light

I hope this episode has helped you see the patterns in your life in a new way. Come say hi on Instagram and tell me one thing that you're taking away from this conversation? I’m @kaileenelise.

And if you want to explore your patterns, especially the ones that keep showing up, join me inside A Year of You. It’s my year-long coaching experience designed to help you see your patterns clearly, align with nature’s rhythms, and become your favorite self at work, home, and beyond.

Enrollment opens early September. Join the waitlist now for first access and the best price.