Trusting Your Taste and Dressing Without Permission with Brigitta Catinean
Brigitta Catinean of Style x Brigitta and Dressing Without Permission podcast joins us for a conversation about overcoming the dreaded “nothing to wear” problem and finding a personal style that fits the intentional life you’ve created. We’re talking turning a childhood interest into a career, getting dressed to walk the dogs, and the joy of doing Duolingo with friends.
Where you can find Brigitta:
+ get her free “nothing to wear” style guide: Press Play
+ listen to her podcast: Dressing without Permission on Spotify and Apple
+ connect on Instagram: @stylexbrigitta
+ visit her website: stylexbrigitta.com
Listen to Episode 238 of Celebrate Cultivate
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Kaileen Elise Sues: [00:00:00] Hello. You are listening to Celebrate Cultivate. I am your host, coach, and voice in your earbuds, Kaileen Elise Sues. I have a guest interview for you today. She is one of my favorite folks on Instagram. I absolutely adore her newsletter, and she's a really big reason why I keep my streak on Duolingo alive.
She is a stylist, but she's not gonna just tell you what to wear. She's gonna teach you how to trust your taste and dress without permission. If you don't already know and love her, let me officially introduce you to Brigitta Catinean. Brigitta is a Calgary-based personal stylist and host of the podcast Dressing Without Permission.
She's been a stylist for five years now, [00:01:00] and she focuses on helping career women and founders create the style that helps them see themselves more clearly. For Brigitta, style is one of the ways to intentionally show up and participate in the life you designed for yourself. Brigitta, welcome to the show.
Brigitta Catinean: Thanks for having me, Kaileen. I'm so excited to be here.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yay. I'm so excited too, and I have to kick this episode off by thanking you. A few months ago, we were exchanging very long voice memos in the DMs, and somehow we got onto the topic of language. First of all, how many languages do you speak?
Brigitta Catinean: I speak three fluently.
English is my third. I speak- Okay ... my, my native languages are Hungarian and Romanian. I'm- Amazing ... I'm born and raised in Romania.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Okay.
Brigitta Catinean: And we're, we are Hungarians l- who were living in Romania, and there's like, there's parts of Romania that are dual [00:02:00] language,
Kaileen Elise Sues: and- Okay. So you grew up with two languages off the bat, and then- Yeah
you learned English. And now you're doing Duolingo Spanish.
Brigitta Catinean: Hell yeah.
Kaileen Elise Sues: So when we were, like, chatting, and I was like, "I don't know, I'm, like, kind of curious about, like, dipping my toe into Spanish," and you were like, "Oh, I am an expert in all languages. Let me tell you. Just do this little app thing." And I was like-
"Oh my gosh, I don't know." And you're like, "You'll love it," and I... Now it's, like, part of my morning routine. I love it so much. I'm horrible at it, but I can keep my streak alive mostly because I see you there keeping your streak alive, and it inspires me.
Brigitta Catinean: That's amazing. I love that you're sticking with it.
And I know I think about you every time I do it because it, your name pops up, and it's like, "The streak is going." And it's just, it's been really fun. So yeah, I got onto Duolingo. I was in... I was traveling with a girlfriend almost a year ago, and she was just like, "Hold on, guys. Gotta do my Duolingo." [00:03:00] And at that point, she had, like, a 500-and-some-day streak, and I was like, "Wow."
Kaileen Elise Sues: That's impressive. Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and I was like, "You know what? I'm gonna try it," and I'm so hooked on it. I really, I love how... I love the way that it teaches, and I love that it's, like, it's gamified and-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes. Yeah. It's like Candy Crush, but you're learning
Brigitta Catinean: Totally, yes Yeah And I'm, I'm just, like, I'm finding myself, like, my partner speaks a little bit of Spanish.
Like, we both took Spanish in university.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Okay.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and we're also, like, huge Bad Bunny fans, but we can't, like, figure out anything he's saying. Hmm. I don't know what level of Duolingo that is, but I can't wait to get there. But I find myself just, you know, saying random little, like, things in Spanish.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes.
Brigitta Catinean: When, like, we're in the kitchen and stuff, and I love it.
Kaileen Elise Sues: That's awesome. Yeah, so it's great that your partner supports that. I, I have that in my son, who is in fifth grade, and he is now taking Spanish, and so [00:04:00] he'll, like, start a sentence, but then not be able to finish it, and every once in a while I can just come in with a word.
But, you know, we're kind of just getting started with this, but okay- Thank you ... to, to refocus our energy. So when you were a little girl, at eight years old, did you always dream of becoming a stylist and, and going viral on Instagram and all of the things that we do these days?
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah, going viral was definitely a childhood, childhood dream.
No, I, oh, God, I was... Yeah, fashion w- it just, like, I feel like it runs in my veins.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and it's really funny because I'm, I'm really, I'm actually, like, really introverted. I'm really shy. I'm very, very withdrawn. I definitely, I was very withdrawn as a kid.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: But fashion, I was just, I grew up around fashion magazines, so both my mom and my grandma, I, like, grew up around them sewing.
Like, they were always, like- Hmm ... making stuff.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Cool. [00:05:00]
Brigitta Catinean: And so all the... I didn't, it wasn't, like, really, like, it wasn't Vogues or anything. It wasn't fashion magazines, but it was always, like, these pattern sewing magazines from Germany that were, there was just, like, stacks and stacks, and I just, like, loved flipping through them.
Mm-hmm. And it was, it was just something, watching women get dressed and women get fitted for clothing was something that was always kind of around, and I, I thought that it was... And I loved, like, Barbies, and I loved playing with dolls, and I loved dressing them, and my grandma would, like, make clothing for my dolls.
It was, like- Hmm ... the best thing ever.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and it was just something that I was like, "Oh, my God, this is so..." I'm, I'm such a, I have such an inclination, like, towards, like, the arts. Like, I love reading. Yeah. I, I love drawing, and so, like, fashion was just kind of like one of those things that was, like, a way to express myself.
So I was always, like, drawing and stuff and-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Hmm ...
Brigitta Catinean: and I
Kaileen Elise Sues: was like, "
Brigitta Catinean: I'm gonna be a fashion designer." But it was, like, one of those things where I was like, "Mm, I'm kinda, like, embarrassed to say it because how ridiculous." [00:06:00]
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah, yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and so I'm so glad that I found my way back to- Back to something that I always craved as a child.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes. So- I love it when that happens. That's-
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah ...
Kaileen Elise Sues: I mean, that's what they say, right? Like, what did, what kept you happy when you were eight? And sometimes there is this, like, really clear parallel to what you're meant to do. So how did you come upon this work in your adult life?
Brigitta Catinean: It was, you know, it was, like, a very, it was not a direct trajectory at all- Mm-hmm
because I worked, I worked in retail, you know, during university, and then once I was finished, I kinda, I went into, like, business to business sales, and it was nothing to do with fashion. Like I worked for, like- I
Kaileen Elise Sues: mean, I did check out your LinkedIn profile studying for this interview and saw that you were in sales.
Brigitta Catinean: Were you like, "Is this the same person?"
Kaileen Elise Sues: I'm like-
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah. So I worked in, I worked in IT, I worked in tech.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And, um, and I- [00:07:00] it's such a male-dominated industry, and anytime there was, like, women around, I, I really, there were some, like, really freaking inspiring women in tech. There's so few of them.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Right.
Brigitta Catinean: There's just, like, so many guys. Yeah. And, and I just, like, I got to a point where I was just like, you know, I really, I love connecting with women. I love, I just kind of, like, missed that, like, connection and that creativity, and I think it was just kinda, like, shortly after COVID where I, I had a style revolution personally.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and I, I noticed what it did for me, and I was like, you know what? I saw, during COVID I saw a lot of, like, a ton of influencers just sharing, like, style tips and things like that on Instagram, and I was like, "Whoa, I would love to do that." Like, are you kidding?
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: Like, I can, I can just do that?
And it was one of those decisions to where I was like, you know what? I have, I [00:08:00] have a lot of opinions and I have a lot of- experience around this, and I'm just gonna start sharing, and I'm, I wanna see if people are curious about like how I put an outfit together and the things that I'm buying. And people were curious.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: And so I kind of, I took that as, as a bit of a sign, and I was like, you know what? I, I was really burnt out with work, and I thought it, I thought that I was taking a sabbatical-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Okay ... five
Brigitta Catinean: years ago.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: When I put in my notice, and I just didn't end up going back-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Amazing ... at this
Brigitta Catinean: point.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. Okay. So the longest sabbatical ever has turned into- Yeah
this like pivot and return back to things that brought you so much joy in childhood. Although there was this kind of like middle part of the story, and you've been really open about it listening to your podcast and just watching what you're sharing online right now, that there was a point in time where you were really stuck or even totally [00:09:00] lost on style.
So what motivated you to get out of that feeling? 'Cause so many people in our, my community, like have hit that wall or have bounced off of it and found themself in this place of like, "I have nothing to wear." So how did you-
Brigitta Catinean: Hmm ... like
Kaileen Elise Sues: what got you out of that place?
Brigitta Catinean: You know, I, just because I loved fashion and I love style, I was, I was never like really good at- curating, like a closet, and just being- Mm
really thoughtful. I, what I found was, it was like, "Oh, I just, I guess I probably just need more money to buy better clothes, more clothes" Mm-hmm. And I always thought that, like, more was the answer. And I got to a point where I was just like, "Okay, I am, it has been years-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Right ...
Brigitta Catinean: at the this point." Like, it was-
Kaileen Elise Sues: I've bought lots of stuff.
Brigitta Catinean: I bought lots of stuff, and, and I was like, "I'm still, I'm still constantly [00:10:00] thinking about what I've got on and why it feels so wrong" Mm-hmm. And it was, it was kinda like getting to a point where clothing became, like, a distraction. Like, I was constantly thinking about, like, shopping, and I was constantly thinking about, like, why I was feeling so uncomfortable in an outfit, like, why it felt so off, why putting an outfit together that I felt great in, it was, it was kind of like a luck of the draw.
And I was like, "Why is this not, like, why- Mm-hmm ... can't I predict this? Why can't I have repeatable results?" And you know, I would go away on, like, trips and vacations, and I'd be just, like, having, like, these meltdowns over, like, I, I pack- I didn't pack anything that felt right. Mm-hmm. And so, you know, we'd be vacationing, and I was just, like, having, like, a meltdown about my outfit, and I was like, "This, there has to be a better way."
Yeah. It's, it's ridiculous. And, and I think, I I don't wanna say that I, like, hit rock bottom or anything like that, but I think I got to a point where I was just kind of, like, shopping, and it felt [00:11:00] like none of it was representing who, the way that I wanted to see myself.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm.
Brigitta Catinean: Like, none of it just felt like that, like, cool, effortless style that I was, like, constantly pinning.
And, and I was also at a point where work was feeling kind of like, "Mm, I don't really know what my purpose is and, like, where I'm going." And I was out of a relationship that just, like, felt, like, really off. Then I was like, "Oh, you know, like I, I think I might wanna start dating," and it was, like, post-COVID, so I had, like, a lot of time to, like, reflect on, like, who I was.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And I think, like, up to that point, style was something that was performative. Like, it was something that kind of, like, looked pretty, and it was something that, that I was using to try to kind of make up for this gap that I perceived between who I was and who I wasn't yet. And it was almost like this armor that I used for feeling like I wasn't enough.
Like, I was constantly trying to get dressed in a way that proved that [00:12:00] I was interesting enough, that I was successful enough, that I was thin enough.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And so I was, like, constantly trying to prove all these things, that I'm like, "I am disciplined. Like, I, I do work out, and I, like, watch what I eat, and I am put together, and I have my life together."
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. I am- It, but- ... commiserating with you. Yeah. I felt that, yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah, like, we feel all these things, and, and style is just such a reflection of the relationship that we have with ourselves. And I kinda realized that I'm- I'm sort of like downplaying myself, and I'm not recognizing, like, who I am because I was like, "You know what?
I actually do think that I'm interesting. I think that I'm interested in a lot of things, and I do think that makes me interesting." So how do I h- like how do I capture that feeling of confidence? Like when I put something great on that makes me feel like myself, and I'm like feeling extroverted, and I'm standing up straight, and I'm, I'm, you know, like I'm connecting with the people, and I'm not thinking about what I'm wearing.
Like how, how [00:13:00] do I repeat that feeling?
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: And you know what? I kinda like, I kinda like took a step back, and I was like, "Okay. Well-" You know, how do I, how do I feel that way? You know, how do I get dressed when, when it's just, like, all about me? When I'm traveling or on, like, when I'm, when I'm hanging out with my friends or when I'm just, like, hanging out with my dog.
Mm-hmm. And how do I, like, feel really good in my clothes? And I think that that was kind of this, like, turning point of I'm done dressing for who I think that I need to be, and I'm ready to dress for who I actually am.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm.
Brigitta Catinean: And I kind of, like, took this, like, life that I designed for myself because I'm... I was very, I was very careful.
Like, I, I knew kinda, like, what I wanted to do for work and what I wanted my life to look like and where I wanted to spend my time. And I was like, "What if I just dressed in a way that really supports that?" That, like, that celebrates the fact that, [00:14:00] you know, like, I have a flexible, like, w- you know, like, work situation.
Like, I would, like, go into a co-work, co-working space, and I had a lot of, like, work from home time. I, I'm child-free by choice, and so I spent a lot of time with, like, my friends. And I was like, "I just need clothes that work for that, that work- Mm-hmm ... for the city that I live in, not for, like, this imaginary city that I don't live in.
Clothes that work for the climate that I live in," which is, like, most of the time it's cold, and that celebrate the fact that, like, I like doing outdoorsy things. I, I'm a snowboarder. I cross-country ski. And so I created a bit of a wardrobe that was like, "This is what I'm about, and I'm done trying to dress for, like, something that I'm not."
And that is, like, a very, very long-winded way of answering-
Kaileen Elise Sues: No ...
Brigitta Catinean: how- No, it's good ... how I went from, you know, like, a place that, that felt like it wasn't working to a place that it was like, "Okay," like, "this is actually feeling [00:15:00] good."
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. Yeah. No, it's so good because it is... I mean, I think that it's really tricky because even when you said, like, "Oh, I don't wanna say it was rock bottom," like, I do think we minimize style in a lot of ways of its, like, importance.
And, and fair enough, right? It's fabric. Like, it, it, it doesn't have to be, like, the thing, but it also can be the thing. Yeah. And so, and it is like some people's entire lives and passions is, is fashion and style, and then for other people, it literally is just, like, making them not naked. So it's a pretty big, like, range of what the, this thing can do for us.
But also, I think that what you're pointing at is that we can't... it's not really fair to ask our closet to fill all the holes inside of us, you know? Yeah. And, and it's also not fair to, like, make it- Cover all the holes of, of us because when you embrace who you are and you come to that point [00:16:00] where you are ready to, like, just dress for the life you have and for who you are, it actually helps you become who you wanna be, which is the, I think the thing that is so fascinating about the work I do, the work that you do, and all of the, the overlaps between the two is that, like- Mm-hmm
once you get real about, okay, like, this is, this is it. This is, like, my life, and how do I wanna live it, and how do I wanna show up? Then it makes this space for you to recognize, like, where you are is, is pretty great, and then step into what, what you want next. So I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm super inspired about your process and kind of, like, what, what got you there.
You know, I'm curious, like, if there's any specific steps that you've followed to figure out your style. I feel like there's, like, so many frameworks and pick your words and da, da, da, da, da. Like, if for somebody listening that's like, "Yeah, no, I hate everything in my [00:17:00] closet," like, what do you want them to hear?
Like, what do you want them to know?
Brigitta Catinean: That's a great question because memory is so funny. Memory is so funny, and the way, the steps that I took towards my style, I kind of forgot. Mm-hmm. I forgot, and I kinda like replaced them with the steps that I would like take a client through.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: And recently I've been, I've been kind of like exploring, you know, I'm such a trial and error person, and, and I'm also a believer in cutting corners
Kaileen Elise Sues: Love it, love it. That's like not something I've ever heard somebody say, "I truly believe in cutting corners." Keep going. I'm so curious where this goes. I really,
Brigitta Catinean: I really, really do. I don't, I don't think that the, that the linear path of like, you know- Yeah ... steps one, two, three, four, five is always for, like works for everybody and works in every- No
case. Yeah. Like I s- I often think, you know, when it comes to style, I think that you can skip [00:18:00] steps one and two that everybody talks about, me in the past included, and you can just like pick up at like step three, and then like maybe skip over to step five, and I'm gonna get into what those are, and then you kinda have to, and then you can kinda go back and be like, "Okay, what are steps one and two all about, because I feel like something's missing here?"
So-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Hmm ...
Brigitta Catinean: let's, I, yeah, let's, let's dig into that, because when, literally, when I was at this sort of place of flux with my style, I had, I had a closet. It was, it was enormous, and I had some girlfriends over, and I was like, "I need to like throw some stuff out." It always takes a village, and 'cause you can't
Kaileen Elise Sues: pull
Brigitta Catinean: all your clothes off the wall.
It's very hard to do
Kaileen Elise Sues: it
Brigitta Catinean: by
Kaileen Elise Sues: yourself. No.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah.
Kaileen Elise Sues: No. I mean, you can, but it's not fun.
Brigitta Catinean: It's not fun. No, but I got rid of a bunch of stuff, and I was like, "Okay, well, like that doesn't solve my nothing to wear problem." I was like, "Cool." Um- Now I
Kaileen Elise Sues: just have less to stare at while I'm fighting with myself about what to wear.
Brigitta Catinean: Exactly. I was like, [00:19:00] "Oh, this was supposed to make it easier, but it, I'm still in the same place." And then what I decided to do, I was like, "Well, you know what? Like I'm not, I'm not gonna buy like everything new, because I don't even really know what I need." At that point, it was like 2021, and like things were still like very much in the world, like-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah
Brigitta Catinean: we were kind of like in between like lockdowns, and I was like, "I don't know if I'm gonna b- go back into an office, like what that deal is," so I was like, "I need clothes that sort me out for like three days from now." I need clothes that I can just like get up and like grab from my closet. And I was like, "Okay, well, what does that look like?"
I was like, "I walk my dog every day. I need like really functional, like almost like technical like dog walking clothes that I can also like, you know, sort of like work from home in." And then I was like, "I never have anything to wear whenever like we're doing any kind of socializing." And at that point, it's like we were doing a lot of like patios, right?
Like we were outside a lot. Right. Yeah. And we were like, kind of like, you know, social distancing, but like it was just like social, but it was chill. Like we weren't like [00:20:00] doing nights out or anything like that. And I was like, "I need daytime stuff that is like not for work." And I was like, "That is my biggest, that's my biggest closet gap."
And I was like, "This is, this is kinda crazy," 'cause I never thought about that. And all the, all my off-duty stuff was just kind of like leggings. Yeah. And I was like, "I don't like it." And it was like-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Like house
Brigitta Catinean: clothes ... jeans.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: House clothes. Yeah. Sorry, my dog is barking
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yep. The, the Zoom is blocking it out- Okay
I can't hear it at all.
Brigitta Catinean: Okay, good. And all, all my outfits just kind of felt like an afterthought, and I was like, "I'm just gonna buy clothes that are strictly for weekends." Like, I don't wanna think about, "Can I wear this to work?" Like, no, I am blocking that out. Like, I am leaving perfectionism at the door, and I'm leaving, like, building a wardrobe at the door.
I was like, "I'm just gonna fix this instance."
Kaileen Elise Sues: Can I stop you right there? And... Yeah. So the thing about that that I find brilliant is that I had a really hard time allowing myself to purchase clothes [00:21:00] that were, like, not for going out or, like, being seen in the world. Mm-hmm. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, like it w- there was a point in time, and m- my, like, personal journey is very different than yours 'cause I have three little kids.
And so mine is, like, very rooted in COVID, but also in postpartum and, and pregnancy and all of that. But there was, like, definitely a point in time where I was like, "I'm always covered in spit-up or something, but, like, I don't wanna feel the way I feel anymore, and I think my clothes are contributing to that."
And- Mm-hmm ... but it was very hard for me to just be like, "Okay, it's okay to purchase casual clothes?" Like, I don't know. It was v- that was a really hard step for me. Do you see that? It's- Yeah ...
Brigitta Catinean: I, I see it, and it's, it is so common because we... There's a couple things that contribute to that feeling. One of 'em is, for some reason, we think that style needs to be [00:22:00] witnessed for it to matter.
Mm.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah, totally.
Brigitta Catinean: Right? And, like, who is doing the witnessing? Like, who are we getting dressed for at the end of the day? And then two, I think we, we have an easier time justifying clothes when there's kind of like a return on investment, right? Like when there's a- Yes ... utility.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah, that's a good
Brigitta Catinean: point. Yeah.
Right? To where you're like, "Okay, well, I'm, you know, I'm... It's work clothes." So work clothes are easy to justify because I am, I'm contributing, I'm making money. And but then, like, what does that say about our worth? And-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm ...
Brigitta Catinean: you know, like, where we place value in, right? And it just, it comes back to, like, we always- We always like glorify like what we do more so than like who we are, and we do that with style too.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sorry for interrupting- Yeah ... but I had to throw that in there.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah. And I, and I think that's so important because it was like, it was a hurdle for me too. Like I, I didn't get... I didn't [00:23:00] do this consciously for a really, really long time, and I was at the point where I was just like, "This is insane."
Like, I was like I'm working at a company that I hated, that I hated so much, and I was like, "I am busting my ass," and I'm like doing all this stuff to just like, you know, create this life for myself that like allows me to, you know, like the freedom to like do what I want and like decorate the h- my house the way that I want.
And I was like, "I'm not even participating in my life because-"
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm ...
Brigitta Catinean: I am just kind of like schlepping around in like- Yeah ... in all the instances that I've like worked really hard for. And I was like, "What?" Like, "This is, this is insane." Yeah, and it, it really became a tool to like celebrate the life that I worked so hard for.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And for me- Okay ... to just connect- Yeah ... with, you know, who I am as, as a human.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. And then- No, I really relate to that because it is like being intentional in your life and like, I mean, that's... [00:24:00] This community is like so intentional and thoughtful and put so much effort and energy into making the life that they want, but then I know that feeling.
You've talked about like the discomfort that you feel in your clothes, and I, I was listening to your podcast recently and you were talking about how you used to just buy jeans that fit because you're tall. And so like that was a mark... Like, a lot of jeans you try on don't fit, right? Because they're, 'cause your legs are long.
But I, I think that there is, for me, there's been this big dis- like noticeable distinction between something not feeling right, like the fabric just not feeling the way I want it to feel or it not looking right, therefore I don't feel right, or literally the fit. Like, something not feeling right is like really complicated.
There's like many factors- Mm ... that play into whether or not something feels right
Brigitta Catinean: Absolutely, and we often, we don't have the language to identify- Yeah ... what [00:25:00] doesn't feel right.
Kaileen Elise Sues: I, I just don't like it.
Brigitta Catinean: I just don't like it, right? And like when... And it's so hard to f- to figure out, like, okay, well, like, where do I go from here if I don't like it?
Yeah. What, like, what's my next step? And it feels like throwing spaghetti at the wall.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes.
Brigitta Catinean: And yeah, it's hard to, it's hard to, like, develop that language and to just kind of, like, identify. And I, you know, something that I've experienced is I didn't have the language for a lot of the things that I was feeling with my clothes, and so, but the language that I did have was like, "I'm not in shape enough."
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes.
Brigitta Catinean: Like, it became... Like, I was just, like, blaming my body for me not having, like, the kind of style that I wanted, and I was like, "Well, you know, I'm trying all these different clothes. I'm buying and I'm- I'm just, like, I'm [00:26:00] in it with the shopping 'cause I have no problem, like, going, like, trying, like, 50 things on, and, like, buying half of them and bringing them home."
But I was like, "I've tried so many different things, so it must be my body." Like, I was like, you know, I think as women, like, we just- We kind of, we take so much responsibility and we internalize so much stuff. And so I was like, "Well, the common denominator, it must be my body." And, and it wasn't. Like-
Kaileen Elise Sues: No, no.
Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: It never, it never is.
Kaileen Elise Sues: So you figured out that you needed to, like, get this category. Or you don't call it category. What do you call it? Like this- M- ... function of your day. You have a word for it.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah. You know what? I, I, I've called it context. I've called it use
Kaileen Elise Sues: case. Context. Okay. I- Con- context is a good one
context. Yeah, I like that. So you, like, figured out, "Okay, this is, like, this pocket in my day and in my life that I have nothing to wear for." Yeah. And then you have... Now you have, like, a resource. Like, [00:27:00] you have something that people listening if they're like, "I have that same problem," that they can utilize.
Like, what is that?
Brigitta Catinean: So I created a resource that takes you through those exact steps that I followed. So I created a resource that says, "Don't worry about the closet. Like, you don't need to clean it out. You don't need to know what your personal style is." Because when I started working on my personal style, quote-unquote, I...
it didn't, it didn't help me to just, like, figure out the words because the words didn't mean anything at that point. Like, I, I felt like- Yeah ... I, I feel like style is, like, a hierarchy of needs. And before you can- It is. It, it really is. And before you can, like, really start thinking about personal style, you just, like, need, you, like, need to fill these holes where just, like, the boat is leaking.
Like, there's water leaking into the boat.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes.
Brigitta Catinean: And, and finding this, like, what not to wear context was one of them. I was like, "I, I need to just, like, plug this hole so that I can, so I can live, so I can [00:28:00] move forward."
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah, so your boat- And so- ... floats and then you can find out what words you're into. Yeah, exactly.
No,
Brigitta Catinean: that makes
Kaileen Elise Sues: total sense.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah. And so I created a resource to where I help you figure out what is that context for you. Where is that context where you're really just, like, banging your head against the wall and you're like, "I've got nothing to wear"? Or, you know, it could be that context where you wanna feel more present in.
We all have... Like, whenever I work with clients, what I notice is we have a hard time identifying what that context is for us. But then, like, when we start, like, when we start shopping, there's, like, "Oh, can I, can I wear this to do this?" And so that context sort of shows up. And I always say, like, we're in these, we're in the seasons of life where something matters more than something else.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And it really depends on, like, what season you're in. Like, you could be more interested in visibility right now. Like, it could be something where you're really focused on work, or you could be really focused on your personal life, or [00:29:00] you could be focused on, like, your friendships or date nights. So whatever that thing is- My resource will, like, walk you through on figuring out what the thing is, how you wanna show up for it, like, what is the vibe, how do you wanna dress?
And it helps you really narrow down, down to the Pinterest board to let's find, like, let's find a handful of images and look at what is in these pictures so that you can almost, like, reverse engineer them and create this microcapsule of I'm sorting out nothing to wear with, like, I don't know, like, six to eight pieces, like, max.
Mm-hmm. So it's not an overhaul, but it's just these purpose-bought pieces for the thing that is just not working in your closet right now.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. Okay, I love that. Where can everybody get this? Where ... What is it called? Where do we sign up? It's free. It's called? It's free, right? It's free. Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: It's free. It's called Press Play.
I'm, I'm gonna send you the link so you can pop it in the show notes, and you can also find it [00:30:00] in my Instagram bio. I've got it linked on there. So awkward.
Kaileen Elise Sues: I'm gonna keep all of this in. No, it's so good.
Brigitta Catinean: You know what? I hope that you do because I-
Kaileen Elise Sues: I kind of- I ... Yeah ... I think I might. I mean, this is, like ... I- The thing is, is that I think with style, one of the problems is that it feels like it has to be perfect.
And honestly, like, I feel like there's so much of, like, life that, especially as women, and especially I think once you get to be a certain age, you feel like, "Well, I should be good at this. I should know how to do this- Mm-hmm ... by now," and it's, it's okay. What I'm hearing you say, and from all the conversations that you and I have a- had off this episode, you know, it's
There is, like ... There's a level of, like, letting yourself be where you are and who you are, and then once you, like, do that, it actually does become perfect, but not in, like, the buttoned up, straight-laced, kind of, like, [00:31:00] I's dotted, T's crossed perfect, but in, like, the perfect that is, like, the wholeness of you and letting life be an experiment and exploring and trying things out.
I mean, when you were talking about, like, all, all the different possibilities. You know, for me, recently I've gotten very into swimming again, and I knew, like, if I'm gonna get back in the water and start swimming, I want a swim bag that I like, you know? It's like- Mm-hmm ... I could have just gotten a tote bag out of, you know, where we keep all of our tote bags, and that would've been fine, but it wouldn't have been exciting and inspiring to me.
And so I, like, spent time and actually asked my stylist for help, and she sourced a few different ones for me, you know? And it was like, now I have this swim bag that's cool that I like, and nobody else sees it. Nobody else in the ... on planet Earth has seen it but me.
Brigitta Catinean: But it's exciting for you, and I-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes ...
Brigitta Catinean: I- i- it's, I, I'm also, like, I'm a believer in [00:32:00] how you do one thing is how you do everything.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: And when, you know, from what I know about you, you're so intentional about so much in your life, about, you know, like, how you run your business, like, your podcast episodes, like, the way that, the way that you put yourself together. And, and I think, like, when, when you have this kind of, like, opportunity to, like, create a little bit of delight in your day-to-day, like, you're gonna grasp that.
Otherwise, it feels like there's this incongruence of I'm so intentional with, like, so many things, but then, you know, like, why, why do I have, like, a bag that I hate?
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: Mm-hmm. To do something that I really love.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes, and then that thing would, like, drive me crazy. But I think for the longest time, I just never really let myself lean into those things that, like, really felt good because I was like, "Oh, well, I have tote bags," or, "Oh, well, no one's gonna see it," or, "Oh, well- Yeah
like, am I really gonna stick with it," or whatever. So all of those [00:33:00] stories that we tell ourselves really do hold us back. And I, you know, I just, I think that style, all of these different places where those itchy, yucky, hard things show up, like, we have to get dressed every day. We have to. So it's like that is, like, very fertile ground to, to support yourself, to treat yourself, and to invest a little bit of money and effort and energy 'cause, like, like, we're probably gonna spend that money anyway buying stuff off Instagram, you know what I mean?
So it's, like, investing- ... it and making sure that, like, this is, this is something that I feel good about, but also not trying to get it perfect, you know? So I really like that that reso- source that you're offering isn't this step-by-step, but just it, it takes you through a process that you can repeat over and over again.
I love it.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah. Yeah, because you want, you wanna be able to, you wanna be able to actually enjoy the process and learn about [00:34:00] yourself in it- Mm-hmm ... rather than being so hyper-focused on the outcome, and then the outcome can feel kind of, it can, it can, like, hold us, it can trap us in a way because- Yeah
outcome says you either are getting it right or wrong.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah, it's a pass-fail. Or... Yeah.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Totally. Totally. Okay. Well, I have a few more questions for you before we wrap this up. What are you currently celebrating?
Brigitta Catinean: I am about to celebrate, later this month, I'm celebrating turning 42.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Oh, my goodness. Happy early birthday.
Brigitta Catinean: Thank you. Ah. And, you know, I was like, "Is this, is this something that, is this something that I'm, like, putting into the celebrate pile, or is it, or does it live somewhere else?" And I think often in previous years I've been like, "Eh, I don't wanna make a big deal out of my birthday." And I think that this is, you know, 42 is not a big milestone, but [00:35:00] it just, it feels like I'm in such, like, a curious place in my life, and I love that for my 40s because I didn't think that this is what my 40s would look like.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: So I'm celebrating that, that curiosity, that, and that, like, that confidence that comes with, you know, like, what... w- who am I? Like, what's, what's going on? Like, who am I gonna be in my 40s? So I- Oh, I
Kaileen Elise Sues: love that ...
Brigitta Catinean: that feels like a reason to celebrate.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Totally a reason to celebrate, yes. Yeah. And I, I think that, you know, we don't have to make a huge deal about every birthday if we don't want to.
Get it. I'm, I... Fine. But I do think that when you have that, like, little excitement of like, "Okay, wait, maybe I do wanna make a big deal about my birthday," however that means to you, I think it's so fun. I highly recommend, like-
Brigitta Catinean: Mm-hmm ...
Kaileen Elise Sues: picking a theme or doing something. Like, I, I picked a theme for my 40th that was cher- the cherry on top, and- Oh, love that
now [00:36:00] anytime I see, like, a cherry, it's like, it reminds me of my birthday, you know? And I, I felt a little silly at the time, like, picking a theme, but it's so fun. So I
Brigitta Catinean: made
Kaileen Elise Sues: a theme. No, I
Brigitta Catinean: love that. Oh, my God.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. Yeah. I made a Pinterest board. You know, I did a whole, it was a whole thing. Yeah. So, yes, celebrating with you.
Okay. What are you cultivating?
Brigitta Catinean: Mm. I am cultivating some different kind of visibility. So I, I appreciate you being on this podcast. It's, it gives me an opportunity to be conversational about it and to... You know, I, I'm really, I'm trying to figure out, like, what, what it is that, you know, my speaking chapter is going to be all about.
It is terrifying.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: As terrifying as it can get because, you know, unlike Instagram, you can't just, like, re-record.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes.
Brigitta Catinean: But I-
Kaileen Elise Sues: A room of people versus the, your phone- Yes ... is a different experience.
Brigitta Catinean: It is a different experience, but [00:37:00] also, you know, I, h- humans in a room are just a different energy as well, so I'm, I'm really exciting about that, and I'm, I'm just, I'm feeling like, I'm feeling like there's a pull.
I love it. There's a pull for me to show up elsewhere than where- Yeah ... I've been hanging out.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Well, you've been hanging out so well in the places that you do show up, so I totally- Thank you ... support you expanding into- That's so kind. Yeah. No, it's true. Okay. What are you releasing?
Brigitta Catinean: I am releasing all the shoulds -
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm
Brigitta Catinean: you know, that come with being in my 40s. I, I am releasing a lot of those, you know, traditional expectations of what, what a career can look like and what purpose can look like and what financial security needs to look like in life and all those things. So again, there's, there's that release of [00:38:00] I'm, I'm okay figuring new things out- Mm-hmm
in my 40s.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm-hmm.
Brigitta Catinean: Yeah.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes. Okay. Amazing. And what are you ready to receive?
Brigitta Catinean: I'm such a lone wolf in so many ways, but I love having, I love having, like, a team or a small community and just, you know, people that I can lean on, and you know, and I, I think that's... I think that might be, like, a Scorpio thing.
We're just, we're so independent. And so I'm ready to receive some, some help and support when it comes to whatever this next chapter is gonna look like.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yeah. Okay. May you receive it. I, I totally- Mm-hmm ... hear you on that. Okay. One last thing before we say goodbye. You may or may not know, but I have this little series on Instagram stories, and sometimes on my feed, called Friday F's, where I share a find and a feature and a favorite [00:39:00] and any other miscellaneous F's that I have to give.
Would you- ... be our guest curator for this Friday?
Brigitta Catinean: I'm in. I'm so in.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Oh, I cannot wait to see it. Okay. Well, I know that you said we're already gonna link that free resource. If people want to follow you and your work, where can they find you?
Brigitta Catinean: They can find me on Instagram at StylebyBrigitta, and the by is the letter X.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Mm.
Brigitta Catinean: And as well on my podcast. You mentioned it at the beginning. It's called Dressing Without Permission, so if you are, if you're into podcasts, which your listeners likely are-
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes ...
Brigitta Catinean: I am hanging out there. I, I release episodes weekly-ish.
Kaileen Elise Sues: They're so good. Yes, highly recommend. After you stop listening to this episode, hop on over-
to hers and give it a listen. Brigitta, thank you so much for being here.
Brigitta Catinean: Kaileen, this has been so great. I just, I feel like I could, like, hang out and yap [00:40:00] with you for hours, so thank you- Oh my gosh ... so much for having me on.
Kaileen Elise Sues: Yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll put the links to everything we talked about in the show notes for this episode.
That is it for today. Thank you all for listening. Please remember that if you want to get clear on your desires, release those shoulds that are holding you back, and set a plan to call it all in this season, join us for goal-setting with intuition on October 27th, 28th, and 29th. All of the details and the sign-up are over at kaileenelise.com.
And I will be back next week with a solo episode all about my personal hobby, renaissance, and inspiration for you to start your own. I can't wait to get into all of the mediocre and middle-aged analog things that I've been up to in my spare time. It's gonna be a good one. I will talk to you then. [00:41:00] Bye.
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Heeeey! I’m Kaileen Elise Sues.
Former HR girlie, failed SAHM, fresh 40-something. Your favorite coach and voice of calm with useful practices, intuitive insights, and small shifts that make a real impact.
My approach isn't about forcing you onto a proven path. It's about helping you break through emotional blocks and discover your true north. Because it’s about time you embraced your deepest wisdom and started living the life of your dreams.
