The quality of life is in proportion to the capacity for delight.
(Julia Cameron)
It’s been nearly 7 months since my last post — and even though I didn’t drop off the face of the earth completely, it feels like I’ve been gone for way too long just the right amount of time.
Last summer I hurt my back, and at first I thought it was a muscle tweak that I could fix on my own with stretching, massage & acupuncture. Still injured, I began yoga teacher training in June and hoped for the best. The outer edge of my left calf and the top of my left foot were completely numb. I walked slower each day, with a hunched over shuffle.
I was in pain and doing my best to push through. When I finally went to see a doctor, I learned that no amount of pushing or positive thinking was going to remedy my ailment. I needed surgery to alleviate the pressure on my spinal nerve from a herniated disc at L4-L5.
I had surgery on August 3rd. It was a lot more real than I expected. Walking after back surgery is an accomplishment. Getting up into a standing position is a triumph. I didn’t realize that I would truly have to start at the beginning. Friends cooked dinner for us. I played on Pinterest to pass the time. My work was extremely accommodating in those first few weeks after surgery. I thought about giving up on yoga teacher training forever.
After a few months, I woke up one morning and felt normal for the first time since surgery. I started physical therapy, but got frustrated with the pathetically slow movements of rehab. I walked a little, stretched and practiced some yoga. The fear of re-injury was (and can still be) a powerful force.
I let myself get swept up by the glittering polar express of the holiday season. My Mister and I spent two weekends in Boston, cooked through our 5th Thanksgiving together, traveled to Arizona & Ohio to visit family, and finished 2012 with good friends, sparkly party hats and a keg of Stella.
Some things about 2013 feel very familiar, and yet I know there will be plenty of surprises. Last January, I focused on the Whole Living Action Plan. I had 12 awesome intentions and books for 2012. I was inspired and ready to go. This January, I tried to slow things down. Unpack from our travels. Eat healthier meals. Think about blogging. Answer emails. Enjoy time with friends.
I won’t be training for a half marathon this year (2011 and 2012 began with race plans). I will be training to become a certified yoga teacher. I won’t be attacking my diet with such aggressive restrictions. I will be attacking my overactive calendar & to do list. I won’t be so concerned about what’s around the corner. I will concern myself with paying active attention to what’s in front of me.
It’s been nearly 7 months since my last blog post and I won’t even pretend to know when I will post again. All I can say is that I think about this space often (dare I say daily?) and send loving thoughts to those of you who have traveled with me on this path.
I hope to come visit you again soon, but until then…
I wish you sparkle, abundance and joy.
It’s so wonderful to see you post again, my dear :) I’m on the same page with you – 2012 was very go, go, go, which equaled a lot of progress & accomplishments, but 2013 is all about being focused & efficient. I’m very glad to hear that you have bounced back from your surgery. My fingers are crossed that you blog a bit about your yoga teacher training journey – it is always fascinating to see how folks experience the overwhelming amount of knowledge & internal changes. :) <3
Such a treat to see you in my blog reader. May this return be something that works for you, on your own terms, without expectations or schedules or commitments – except to use it as a place to come to when it feels right.
Inspiring!
I am so happy to see your new post in my inbox! It’s good to hear that you’re doing well. Self care is the best way to start any year or any day for that matter. Thank you for sharing!
I have missed you but I am glad that from time to time I get a glimpse of you from Instagram or Twitter. You have been through a lot in the past seven months and I am happy to hear you are on the road to recovery.
It’s so hard to keep up blogging every day. While many post when they can, it doesn’t mean we don’t stop thinking about those bloggers we have met along the way.
Wishing you all the best in 2013 and I look forward to your next blog post, whenever that may be.
I’m so glad you’re back!!
I wrote your name today, so thought I’d stop in and see how you are. Thank you for sharing your latest, and happy slowing, Kaileen Elise. // Someone I think you might love: http://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Spine-Stress-Free-Restore-Vitality/dp/0062507923
What a pleasant surprise to see your post. It might seem slow but sometimes slow and easy is the way to get where you’re going. Keep up the great work of moving forward. :)
Wishing you health and happiness for 2013!