Confessions of the Heart
Posted by Kaileen Elise on April 14th, 2010
We realize our dilemma goes deeper than shortage of time;
it is basically a problem of priorities.
We confess, We have left undone those things that ought to have done;
and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
(Charles E. Hummel)
I’ve been thinking a lot about goals and intentions. Since turning 25, my idle thoughts have drifted towards the future and where I want to be in the next (gasp!) 25 years. For some reason, it’s hard to imagine that far into the future.
That might be because lately I’ve been really concerned with my day-to-day and have been less focused on my long-term dreams. Even though I’ve shared my musings on priorities and perspective, it still feels like I’m stuck in a rut.
This is a positive, inspirational blog meant to shine with love, sparkle and joy. It’s my sacred creative outlet and a piece of our cherished community. A place where we can explore our hearts and do our best to make every day an extraordinary adventure.
Because of this, I have shied away from revealing too many dark or twisty pieces of my life—the negativity and gloomy days that find their way into otherwise beautiful weeks. It can sometimes feel like I’m being dishonest or hiding bits of who I am. I know this is a common struggle amongst bloggers. I’ve been touched by those who have shared similar feelings before.
Like I said, I’ve been thinking a lot about goals and intentions. I have also been wondering why I let being busy become such an easy excuse for blogging less. I truly love blogging, tweeting and connecting with all of you. I’ve had to make small adjustments because of my new job, but there’s another reason why I’ve been quiet that I have been too scared to share with you.
Remember back when I hosted the Good Karma Gift Swap? A truly amazing group of bloggers participated. It seemed as though the swap was going to finish up as planned, with everyone sending a gift and everyone receiving one in return. It was my intention to wrap it all up with a comprehensive post that linked back to all the swappers’ individual blog posts on the experience.
Somehow (snow storms, postal service mishap, indifference, disorganization, life) there were a few participants who sent gifts and received nothing in their mailbox. I fell behind on my answering of emails and management of the project, and eventually let time slip away. It’s been two months since I launched the swap and since then I’ve wondered how to reconcile the situation.
It might sound strange, but I’m embarrassed the swap didn’t turn out as planned and I wish I had dealt with it head-on when things began to slip up. As the weeks crept by, it seemed to make more sense to just carry on without a recap post.
What would you do? Would you be interested in reading a review of the bloggers who swapped good karma gifts back in February? Or would you recommend moving on and learning from the experience?
In my heart, I think it’s time I pick my head up and out of the sand, resurface, reconnect and begin to look towards the future. Dream about what lies beyond today’s to-do list and tomorrow’s agenda. Remember to make every day an extraordinary adventure.
Maybe even work on hosting another swap someday…
image credit: tanakawho
Tags: Balance, Blogging, Everyday Life
Ugh. So much here resonates with me as I just hit the milestone of 40. Admitting that things didn’t go the way you wanted to is such a good release. I bet you’ll figure out how you want to move forward now that you’ve put it out there.
Thanks for the link! Also, you are so good to come out here and just say it. That takes a lot of courage.
How do we define “success”? I think that you put a most amazing intention to bring together some beautiful bloggers for the Good Swap, and if readers return to that original post, the response was very positive. I wonder how the participants (whether they received a gift or not) would say their experience was like.
Because you initiated the Swap, I can see where you identify with the feelings of embarrassment, but there were factors out of your control that shaped the outcome for some individuals. If you could do the swap all over again, would you change anything? If you wouldn’t change a thing, then I think you did the best you could in organizing this.
It’s hard for me to say whether you blog about the swap results or not. I say “go with your gut” and if that means moving forward and learning from the experience, then do so.
How “genuine” do we express ourselves in our blog? I am with you in that struggle. How do you balance being “too serious” and staying positive and inspirational? I think that’s a journey of discovery that will evolve with our blog posts. Though I’m newer to blogging, I’m quickly learning to embrace this process.
Thank you for remaining genuine in this post – sorry my comment is so long! I hope you’re able to garner the insight you’re looking for!
Thanks for such honesty – I’d say readers are always open to honesty, as no one presumes that anyone has a constant supply of joy and goodwill at their disposal. I’d say that opening up the other side of yourself only makes inspirational posts more inspirational – and without the down days we wouldn’t experience joy in such an intense and wonderful way.
Personally I’d love to hear about the Gift Swap. I admire everyone who puts these things together – getting people connected accross the world. Inevitably there will be the occasional mishap, but that doesn’t stop the effort and the organization from being worthwhile. I got my parcel from Jozen, and I’ve been following Lola’s Girl ever since. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me it was a really positive experience, and a reminder of the connections we can make even between huge distances.
What a nice post! I predict you have an exciting brilliant next-25-years ahead of you! I enjoy your insights. They make me think…. and you always leave me with a smile!
There’s something about honesty in blogs that is so refreshing and makes the author seem more approachable and human… and that’s one reason why I love reading your blog. I’d like to hear about the swap, but perhaps it may be better to just let things go and move on. I am sad that I didn’t have the time to participate in the last one but I’d love to participate again if you have another one in the future.
I really loved the honesty of this post! As someone who participated in the swap but never received a package in return, I hope you know that we know it has nothing to do with things within your control! I still am glad you organized it and I’d love to see a review post.
I know how that feels, letting time slip and not doing what you think you should do and those shoulds does not move out of your head. I think you should do what YOU feel like doing, let it pass for now or write a post about it and feel good you did any of the two!
i would definitely love to see a review post. i don’t think you should let the things that are out of your control stop you from going on (be that with a review post of the swap or life in general). pick your chin up my deary and carry on!
hugs!!
Oh, honey bee, I know things seem overwhelming and hard right now, but I just want you to know you are doing awesome. From one perfectionist to another, try to give yourself a break and stop being so hard yourself. You’re honesty and compassion are why your readers relate to you and even if you don’t post every day or even every week, it’s why we keep coming back here. As for the swap, I think you can definitely still post about it!
I totally understand what you mean. I was excited about the gift swap for others, because I started following your blog after it was already set to run. I missed out. Sometimes we take on more than we are truly capable of doing at one moment in our life. We have the best intentions, but we can’t do everything we want to all the time and if we could that would also get boring. Thanks for your honesty I am sure those that missed out on a gift appreciate it. It is never to late to retify something, ever. Read my post about Satya – Truth it goes right down the line speaking your truth. It is what is it.
Awwww, confessions are good for the soul. Yes, do come up out of the sand. After all keeping your head in the sand can leave you lightheaded and disoriented.
I understand you feel responsible having initiated the gift exchanged, but if others didn’t fulfill their obligation the fault rest with them and not you. Furthermore, those who are following you know that you have the utmost integrity and I am sure don’t hold you responsible. I have confidence that you’ll know what to do next.
And finally, don’t worry about the next 25 years, just be yourself and you’ll have the best next 25 years possible. : )
Looks like you’ve got some great feedback since my initial comment! I just wanted to stop by again and let you know that I’ve linked your blog to my latest post. When you get a moment, I hope you can visit
My blog is very different than yours but, I find that the times I have shared the more dark & twisty parts of my life with my readers, these are often some of my best posts. We’re all human and feel this way at times & as much as I try to keep things positive on my blog sometimes its just good to get these feelings out–more often than not, there are people who will be able to relate to what you’re going through. However, there are some things I don’t feel comfortable sharing online so I find in these cases journalling privately is really helpful.
PS. I’d love to read a follow up post about the Good Karma Gift Swap, even if it is after the fact.
You are such an amazing woman and my wish for you is to be more gentle on yourself! The Good Karma Gift Swap was such a creativly generous and gorgeous way to start the New Year. This on top of starting a new job! I too would love to hear a wrap up of the GKS! Enjoy your Tuesday!! xoxo